More like a tux

F

Only one problem: those aren’t his to take. They belong rightfully to the Ukrainians.

This won’t stop him from the bluster he spurts on a daily basis.

It went just as well as the War on Drugs.

(Hint: Drugs won.)

How long until the leopards eat the faces of the people that voted for this on Twitter if this goes into effect?

That’s it! Thanks!

I saw a gif earlier that I can’t find. It has Elon’s seig heil salute that is perfectly timed to a group of Neo-Nazis executing the same salute. They were absolutely identical.

Does anyone know where to find it?

Like it mistakenly removed content related to Enola Gay? Where Gay was the last name and not the sexual orientation because there is no distinguishing nuance in a blanket string removal?

Counting the days until Trump goes full Skibidi Ohio.

If it walks like a Nazi, talks like a Nazi, and heils like a Nazi, it’s a Nazi.

Musk can’t fade into obscurity fast enough.

Sudo Apt-get install gun-control

So much for, “Trade wars are good, and easy to win.”

We already have a king. Burger King. 🍔 👑

There is no other room for royalty in this country lol

When the fallout happens between Trump and Musk, Trump may find it difficult to get rid of him since he has handed so much power to Musk (via write access to government databases).

There will come a point where he literally won’t be able to get rid of him once control of the law enforcement arm goes to Musk.

I hope the irony isn’t lost on people that the richest man in the world is literally causing the poorest people in the world to die.

Not just support it, but that he never even heard of it. (Then goes on to say that he doesn’t agree with it lol)

It doesn’t help that President Musk has already declared himself Technoking of the Federal government.

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me.

The only person who was able to say no to Elon and actually have it stick is that judge in the Delaware Chancery who denied his $55 billion payout.

We must summon her again since it seems to be the only functioning thing left in the government capable of stopping him.